waiting for tomorrow

Photo from usgwarchives.net

Photo from usgwarchives.net

I can't handle another emotional adrenaline rush, so I'm just enjoying today. Tomorrow we go to court. Again.

I'm not thinking about tomorrow and yesterday and the irony of Mother's Day and court falling a day apart.

I'm thinking about a giant pile of dirty dishes and who's going to fold all this laundry. I went to the gym and did a normal work-out (as opposed to the angry work-outs where I set personal bests). I went to the grocery store. I need to get gas in the van at some point.

Normal Monday. Actually, better: fun Monday!

Because life is real, and time is moving forward. And tomorrow is coming, whether there's a continuance on "Tuesday, May 16" or not, eventually there will be a day--some day--before the actual decision is made. Because this can't go on forever. This won't go on forever.

Eventually, someone will bang a gavel and my head will be in my hands and I'll swear under my breath and hug my husband, and then we'll know.

But not until then. 

So today, I'm enjoying a happy day of snuggles. I rocked lil' man all the way to sleep before nap, something I haven't take the time to do as often as he's gotten older. I hummed a lot. I did all the mommy things that busy mommies don't get to do enough. I put my nose on his nose and tickled him. I sniffed his ears to make him laugh. I looked through his beautiful, beautiful, beautiful newborn pictures and told him all about how tiny he was two years ago. He pointed and called himself "baby." I wiped banana out of his hair and then yogurt out of his hair and then white powder from cheese puffs out of his hair, and then I told him I was thinking about cutting off his hair, and he giggled, and I laughed because he's the cutest little dude. I changed his diaper twice, and I got him his "nana" which is his blankie, of course. Because I'm his mommy and mommies know that.

And you know what? I haven't cried. Because I'm his mommy today, and he's my son right now.