So much anticipation over nothing. So much tossing and turning and not sleeping. So much time spent waiting in an uncomfortable chair!
Another continuance. Another moment where the local courts laugh in the face of the federally mandated 15-month period for permanency for children in "the system." As we enter month 28, do you think anyone feels bad? Does anyone with authority think, "Hey, maybe they wrote that law because there's good research that shows this kind of nonsense dramatically affects a child's long-term mental health."
And yet, we persevere.
What keeps me going is the firm, unwavering, unshakable truth that God already knew this was coming. I have to confess, I wasn't immediately pleasant when I was told to go home without even entering the courtroom. Without anyone even cracking open his case file. Without anyone even saying his name. Just, "We overbooked. Go home. We'll call you to reschedule."
No "I'm sorry."
No "This is unfortunate."
Just "This happens."
Why don't they just say the rest of the sentence? "This happens because we don't consider this case a priority." Or worse yet, "This happens because we don't consider this child a priority."
"The system" is so ugly. But I choose to believe that there are still glimmers of hope. There are still people who care. Not all of them -- I'm not going to pretend that some of the people aren't wildly inexperienced newbies regurgitating liberal nonsense from their newly minted Masters degree or that others aren't jaded old toads -- I think some are. But there are a few gems who are doing this for the right reason.
Guys, this kid is precious. Unbelievably worth it. Overwhelmingly valuable. As many times as I have questioned being part of a system I believe to be devastatingly broken, I have never questioned my commitment to him. I love him so dearly. He is beloved, cherished, treasured.
And today, tonight, tomorrow, he is safe.
I rest in God's neverending faithfulness to him and to me.
I have thought so many times these late days how when God called my husband and I to be foster parents, that meant he was calling all of you to our journey as well. You became grandma, aunt, friend, prayer warrior, weekly nursery hugger to this child -- without having asked for it. I am so grateful, grateful beyond words, for your selfless willingness to fill this role. Not one of you has complained to me of the difficult road we've chosen for you to walk. Thank you for loving our little guy with us. You have abundantly enriched his life. Whatever God's plan for his future, you have been a wonderful part of his story.