My Five-Day Countdown

Five days until a judge determines the future of my family.

Or will he? 

I choose to embrace the truth that in five days we will simply find out what God has had planned from the beginning. It isn’t a decision to be made; it’s a decision that has already been made. And it is GOOD, my friends. I don’t even know the outcome yet, but God’s decision is GOOD.


On Tuesday, we find out if my son is my son or not.

Sort of.

He’ll still be him. I’ll still be me. But if the judge decides to separate us and send him with his other mommy, will I still be Mama? I guess so. Maybe in a different way? Nothing will ever change that I was his Mama for two years, but it may not remain so as he grows up. I'll tell you Tuesday.

Do you grow out of being someone’s son? I don’t think I’ll grow out of being his Mama.

It’s weird to think that in two years, something so relevant about my life will be no more than a memory. Either his presence in our family will be a bittersweet, aching but fond memory, or this ever-present cloud of painful uncertainty will be a bad dream if he becomes forever ours.

Isaiah 55:8

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

Proverbs 19:21

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Lamentations 3:22-24

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”