book review: anxious people

I don’t hide that Backman is one of my favorite authors. I would generally say that Beartown and My Grandmother Asked Me To Tell You She’s Sorry are among my favorite books. This one was good, too, but did not quite live up to those two.

The story was an unexpected mystery—lots of little confusing elements you’re trying to unwrap as you go. A character is referred to as a “parent” and pronouns are skillfully avoided so you can’t tell when other people mention the mom or the dad if you know anything about them yet.

There’s a few mini reveals, like the way the police officers on the scene are father and son. There’s also an interesting character that bookends the first and last scenes which makes it feel almost like the credits are rolling. It’s a good, concrete closure.

Backman has a gift for immediate character development. In so few words, he can give you a picture of someone’s depth. It’s like a 3D snapshot in a few sentences.

He is also the master of epic sentences (even though he’s not writing in English) such as:

During some weeks in winter in the central part of Scandinavia the sky doesn’t seem to bother even attempting to impress us, it greets us with the color of newspaper in a puddle, and dawn leaves behind it a fog as if someone has been setting fire to ghosts.

I mean, that is GLORIOUS.

Overall, definitely worth the read, and the book deals with some serious issues. As always, Backman makes you cry and laugh on the same page. The people have so much reality behind them.

The mystery was a little simple if you’re used to reading real mysteries, but that wasn’t his point. So that’s very forgivable. Little bit (possibly) of moral questionability to the final decision at the end, but it was sweet.

book review: when the english fall

I was at my public library, and they had a big display of “librarian recommendations.” I actually picked this book up because I assumed it was some kind of alternative history. AND IT WAS NOT. GUYS, it was post-apocalyptic Amish fiction. WHAT? That is a thing, and I didn’t know I was looking for it!

First of all, so many things in this book are from my hometown — Turkey Hill, Oregon Pike, Lititz, Central Market — all mentioned by name. These little nuances filled me with joy.

Two small complaints: (1) the daughter having some kind of future-telling “touch” was unnecessary, and to me, a total distraction and (2) the ending needed to have more conclusion because of the prologue. Without the prologue, the ending wouldn’t have felt weak.

Overall, I really enjoyed this book. It was paced very slowed since it was a diary - lots of feelings and lots of repetition. But due to its short length, those were not a problem. Bonus, the man’s faith was preserved and represented well, rather than making it a subtle ironic failure.

Overall, worth the read for sure!

Hedgehogs on the Roof

My daughter turned three last month. Since I have a crafty, creative cousin who refabs out-of-style pink-and-tan dollhouses into Pinterest-worthy neutrals-wood-and-brick dreamhouses, we decided to select one for our daughter to populate with tiny chairs and a family of hipster hedgehogs.

What I quickly learned watching her play with it was she took control of her space. My toddler didn’t seem to want to arrange the furniture just so and then stare at it. She wanted to make the hedgehogs bounce from room to, uh, roof. She didn’t seem to want to use the tiny coffee maker and miniature waffle maker to set a brunch table with a weeny teeny vase of flowers, either. The nerve!

As a metaphor for “control over my space,” the dollhouse might be lacking. But many parents live this conflict daily in their children’s treatment of our full-scale homes. It’s true; most parents aren’t asking a lot: no clothes on the floor, no Lego minefield for our feet, and wash the toothpaste down the sink drain. Please. And yet, there are hedgehogs on the roof.

When it comes to home, control over my space is a vital concept. Everyone deserves to feel safe at home. For kids in foster care, their place of residence has rarely been a safe place. Although I would never diminish the devastating impact of abuse, neglect is actually the most common reason a child enters the foster care system. At best, these children were unable to rely on the adults who should have been meeting their needs.

I was reminded recently of the layered concept of home when a new child told me, “Your house is so ugly. I hate it here.” When we talked a little bit about what we could do to make the space feel more familiar, the bottom line became quite clear: my mommy isn’t here. What an eye-opening definition of “home,” particularly when the Target app would lead us to believe it’s primarily about having seasonally appropriate throw pillows.

Giving a child “control over their space” can be both easy and difficult to achieve. Sometimes, it’s letting a kid hang posters contrary to our aesthetic or allowing them to fill the environment with music we don’t understand. You’ll have to strike the unique balance for your family of boundaries and freedom.

Foster parenting means caring for kids with trauma in their backgrounds, and childhood trauma often leads to both a lack of self-control and a fear of not being in control. The tension of maintaining safety for a child who typically demonstrates no self-restraint and yet genuinely fears adult control is a tightrope.

Learning to help kids be in control and under control without taking away their sense of ownership is a healthy part of parenting, and it evolves as children age. 

vertical subway tile bathroom walls

Love this blue tile, and the stress-filled pattern was worth it for the end results. (I can say that since Hubs does the primary stressing.)

We had already decided that the contrast between the white interior walls and the blue shower walls would be accented by a differentiated pattern — the same tiles used two different ways.

This epic-perfection seam is now behind the shower door, which was by design but I feel like I need you to take 5 seconds and stare at the line and just be impressed.

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Ok, thanks.

We started at the far wall (away from the plumbing) and then worked our way up the main wall, finishing on the front wall with the plumbing and two shelves.

Once again, the tile spacers are our friends here. We used two on each long side and one on each short side. I enjoyed watching the bright red waterproof coating give way to the cool blue of the tile, especially since the red was making the white tile feel so pink — and pink tile was one of the reasons we started this renovation!

Even though we had the new shower floor as our base, we used a level line. It’s always better to trim a few starting tiles than get to the top of a project and realize how out-of-level your walls and ceiling are. Plus, your eye is not forgiving and you notice when things aren’t just-so. This is what sets the “oh I see you DIY-ed your bathroom” off from the “oh you got your bathroom redone.”

We had put a lot of thought into the shelf spacing rather than just doing what was easy with the plumbing and wall studs — knowing we wanted the tile to look fantastic. So the end result is perfect — the tiles fit snugly into place with the edge nice and crisp. The final edge just needed a last stripe of white up to connect it back to the rest of the walls. The edging and jolly sticks really completed it with a good “we planned this” look. And we had, honestly. Lots of specific planning sets it apart so you don’t get to the end and have 50 eighth-inch pieces to cut or a giant wad of grout to finish up.

We had to drill and cut holes for the plumbing: the shower head and the water control. I absolutely LOVE the way the light grey grout looks on this, especially combined with the white. Truly, it’s nice when you have a vision and it gets executed perfectly. Go Hubs!

After the grout (which I didn’t take any pictures of this time, sorry, but you can see it here on the white tile), we began attaching the hardware to support the glass doors. That is part of our finishing steps, which you’ll see soon!

As I said before, we were working in pieces as COVID supply chain meant we got the tiles in various shipments, so you’re getting a sneak peek at the flooring… but that is coming up next!

way better DIY subway tile

The hunt for subway tile is worse than a needle in a haystack. It’s more like looking for that one black Lego with the triangular doodad on the front in a giant bin of Lego, which I can confidently say is WAY WORSE.

I digress. Subway tile is super popular. Clean lines, tons of ways to install. Hardy for floors or walls, showers and kitchens. The problem is since it’s a simple shape and a solid color, there are about a bajillion options, and buying online is difficult. Fortunately, after only 6 samples, I finally found a set I LOVE that came in a pure white and a lovely blue, with the end cap pieces I knew we’d need (La Riviera Blue Reef and La Riviera Blanc).

As always, long-suffering Hubs was willing to try creative patterns, so we ended up with a 1/3 offset — BUT since I don’t like the steps that get formed in a typical 1/3 pattern, this is a 1/3 offset vintage or some other weird names I found online.

The trickiest part for us was the transition to the shower color — and truly, it could not have turned out more perfect. Hubs has skillz.

What I love about this tile is the super-shiny finish combined with the heavy texture. It has so much depth with its hand-scraped finish.

For our first line, we measured from where the top of the tile would be down to the floor and cut the bottom tile so we knew the top line would be a complete tile. Note: when you do this math be sure you include the grout width. Meaning if your tile is 2-1/2” high and you’re grouting 1/16th”, you need to do the math on 16 tiles as 2.5625” x 16 tiles to get to 41”. Otherwise, you’ll be a full inch short and think that 16 tiles is 40”.

Make sure you’re level on the wall and NOT using the floor as your level, because unless your house was built by the Lego company, it isn’t perfectly level. This will catch up with you and ruin your tile.

We are using chair rail caps at the top so you can see we space planned for this as well.

To get the tiles perfectly spaced, we used x-shaped tile spacers. These are really handy to help on long tiles where you could easily end up cockeyed if you don’t put in several. It also reduces tile slide as gravity is always your enemy on the wall tile.

As we worked, we had plumbing to work around, so there was a good deal of trimming. The wet tile saw is still the way to go, like we did upstairs on my hexagon tiles. It makes clean cuts and doesn’t leave the edges all chipped.

The best process for tiles is to get a row going while you have the concrete wet, so if you have a lot of cutting to do, try to cut a few at a time so your grout isn’t up there setting while you run and measure.

For the small pieces, we often put in multiple grout spaces and then used painters tape to make sure they didn’t fall off. There’s just not a ton of grip when the quickset is fresh. You can see that in some of the pictures, but fortunately because he did a lot of planning, Hubs was able to avoid most tiny cuts.

Because we were working during the supply chain disruptions of 2021 , you’ll see we were getting single boxes of tile and were working on the floor at the same time. (That was not ideal.)

After all the tile was up and dried, the tile spacers come up and then you step on them for six weeks, mostly in bare feet, and it hurts like a Lego.

Then all the tiles get a good scrubbie cleaning and you can get on to grout!

Grout is a lot of pressing. Schlep it on the wall, press it in with a tile float, press it again, wipe it off with a wet sponge, press it again, keep going back, screech a little that there’s still a missing spot, press it again, wipe it again, lean back and rub the top of your head while you inspect. At least that seems to be the process Hubs follows. (Note: at the end there is a lot of grout in his hair.)

We wanted a medium contrast to the white, so we selected a medium grey. I know people are into bright and super-contrast grout right now, but royal blue or black doesn’t feel timeless to me. I never want to hate our DIY in five years because we were too trendy. Maybe I still will but at least I tried. And it’s still better than the pink cherub butts we took down.

I have a lot of “after pictures” but since you can already see some sneak peeks of the floor even though I’m TRYING to keep is hidden…. you know where we’re headed.

Stay tuned for the shower tile next time! Then the floor… and we’re finally getting back to a functional restroom! And stunningly beautiful, if I can say that about something I had like 0.4% to do with creating…

get your bathroom ready for tile

You know how you see all those pins about how you can paint furniture with no prep? Paint your walls with no prep? Concrete your counter with no prep? Well, they lie. That job will look terrible in, like, maybe a week. If you’re lucky. It will peel, chip, not adhere — and everything else.

Prep work isn’t fun. It isn’t appealing. It’s drudgery. And it’s also the only thing that will make your DIY work last and look good. Put the time into the prep.

How do you get the bathroom ready for tile?

1. Plan your space.

2. Prep the mechanics: plumbing, electric, etc.

3. Use the right materials.

4. Install the materials correctly.

5. Waterproof everything.

Here’s what it looked like for us!

Rough plumbing was set up from our last step. We just had to make sure everything was in the right place before we closed up. That means measuring the shower head, standing in the shower and making sure it looked right. That also meant putting my shampoo bottles on the roughed-in shelf to make sure they were deep enough and tall enough. (If you have long hair or shop at Costco, you also know about the 6-gallon drum of shampoo.) We also determined exactly where we wanted the new light switches and electrical outlets. This is also when we installed the tub drain, which was one of those things that should have been simple and wasn’t because the floor joists were placed off just enough that there wasn’t space—but a 30-minute (slightly grumpy) sawzall detour, and Hubs got it in.

Once the “guts” were all in place, there was a lot of measuring, followed by drywall and concrete board cutting. Then there’s a lot of awkward lifting and grunting while you get them into place. Attach, then you seal and sand and seal and sand until you’re old and grey and Hubs will still say it isn’t 100% perfect so you’ll bicker that 46 coats is really the perfect number…

Once all the walls are in place, the shower pan can go in. We got lucky that the tub we removed was a standard size, so this was an easy find at Home Depot.

Once the pan was installed correctly, it was time to begin the waterproofing. Now, waterproofing (as we learned in our upstairs bathroom reno) is a smelly and very pink process. It involves cutting and shaping the waterproof edge tape (we used Kurdy tape) around corner after corner, snipping and measuring until everything’s covered and you can move on to the waterproof application. It goes on like paint, and smells way worse. Vent-i-late, my friends.

For the parts of the bathroom that weren’t in the shower, we sealed the seams and edges with more Kurdy tape and thinset. Lastly, we installed the guts of the ceiling light/fan but kept the cover off while we repainted the ceiling.

Next step…. let the tiling begin!! You’ve never seen such fantastic subway tile…