i can't see the stars


Something sad is happening in my life right now. Everyone wants to know what they can do to help. The truth is, since there's nothing you can do to change it, there's nothing you can do. 

But then... there's also everything you can do. The best offer I get is from the people who say they're praying for us and mean it. Not the people who say it because it's tradition, but the people who do it. The best moments of my hard days are the moments I get a text saying "how can I pray for you right now?" or "I'm just checking in with you" or "do you need anything today?"

When I know someone is praying for me, the room is full again. I don't feel that I'm alone in this dark cave. I imagine myself in those moments, kneeling with that friend at the foot of the Throne of Grace, just pouring out my heart. These are the friends who gets me through angry moments -- the friends who take my hand and quietly walk me to Jesus.

I don't usually feel helpless, but this week, I'm the guy in Mark 2 and my friends and family are like, "Listen, I will carry you and dig a hole in a roof with my bare hands to make sure you can see Jesus today."

Man, I have the most incredible people in my life! Friends who do not leave me alone. Sisters who will listen when I uncharacteristically swear a lot because I'm feeling furious and helpless and out-of-control and bittersweet and scared and confused but also trying SO HARD to have faith.

Listen, I don't want to over-dramatize the issues happening in my life.  I know there are people out there who would consider my problems 'small,' and in the scope of what others are facing, they'd be right. But in my life, it's everything right now. It's every moment and every breath.

The good news is that my ship is not rudderless. I'm not riding out the waves of this storm aimlessly.  I'm not alone.  I can't see the stars to navigate, but the good news is Heaven can still see me.  And I trust that wherever this ship is going, the arrival port is the right destination.